Life has not been on my side lately.....honestly, life has beaten me down to the ground countless times over the last 13 months or so. Recently, things have come up that at the moment I can't talk about,and there are other issues that have been around for awhile.. As of this moment there are SO many things up in the air, I can't even list them all. So as I sit on our couch with my iPod playing I find myself staring at a plaque my parents gave us for Christmas. It's a pretty, but simple little thing: "'Faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see.' Hebrews 11:1" Growing up in a strong Christian family and being in church everytime the doors were open means this is not a new verse to me. Its one I have known most of my life. Yet it's not until I'm 23 years old, 4,000+ miles from my family and friends, and facing an abundant amount of uncertainties that I finally "get" it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dumb. I knew what it was saying, but its like finally that light bubble came on! I know I need to have Faith. I have been told that time and time again by my family and friends. But until now I just had this word "faith". What I really need to have though is the attitude that I can "...be certain of what I do not see". I don't see a job for me, I don't see how certain things will work out, I don't see why on earth God put us on this rock for our first year of marriage. There is SO much that I just do not see. Faith tells me that I don't have to see it, I just have to believe its there! Faith isn't walking around with the idea of "yeah, God has a plan. Yeah He'll work it out" No, Faith is saying "There is a job there, I just dont see it YET. We can figure this out, I just don't know the answer YET. There is a purpose here, it's just not obvious YET." Gah...why on Earth did it take me so long to figure this out???
Now, I'm not saying I'm all good now and stress free and all that. I'm far from it, but now I know how to fix it. I finally get this whole Faith thing and being a Christian of 20 years I feel so stupid for taking this long. So from this point on, this woman will be one of Faith....at least to the best of my ability. There will be relapses, there will be meltdowns, and there will be worry. Thats just in my sinful nature, but now I have my weapon to fight it. I have never missed my church as much as I do at this moment. Yes, we have a church here but its not the same. I don't learn here like I did there. I don't have the sense of a "church family" here like I did back home. I am so thankful for Twin City and I know walking back in those doors will be a breath of fresh air!! So pray for me and Payton both. Pray that we will practice faith, patience, and that we will give it all up to God!
Lord, thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for showing me what Faith really is. Thank you for parents who through a simple decoration for our home helped me in a time that I really needed it. Thank you for a strong Christian support system to go home to, and for a husband who also wants to grow and change in his spiritual life. Give me the strength to fight this worry with Faith and help us to trust that You WILL provide! Amen!
