It was then that I carried you.

The Footprints poem comes to my mind as I try to wrap my mind around the pain that local families are feeling tonight. I will not pretend to know how they feel at this moment. To be honest, I don't even want to know. Instead, I will pray. I will pray for God's peace and comfort. I will pray for His guidance in the days to come. I will pray for rest and good health. I will pray that each person mourning these losses will have a friend or loved one by their side. I will also be selfish and pray that God never lets this happen to the ones I love.

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

Full Speed Ahead!

For a little over a year now our life has been slow. Most of that time, one or both of us has been unemployed. We haven't been able to do much and definitely haven't been able to establish any type of "normal" in our life. We had a lot of plans before we moved back, and they were all put on hold. To be totally honest, I felt a little abandoned by God. There were some very scary and stressful times, and I was so discouraged. Then, BAM! Payton gets a full-time, permanent position that is MUCH better than the temp job he lost in June. It was a blessing & HUGE answer to prayer! I finally felt God saying "It's ok, this trial is almost over". However, going from the Army to the job he has now definitely gave him a sense of not making a difference in the world. He was still a bit discouraged, and I wasn't sure what the answer was.

Enter blessing number two, the Fire Department! Payton is now a volunteer Firefighter and he is loving it! He really enjoys hanging out with the guys on there with him, and he is so anxious and ready to help someone! This is definately fueling his desire to be an EMT, and I think he will be great at it. He seems so much happier now that he is doing something that he enjoys and can make a difference in. He gets the excitement and action from it, while making a difference in people's lives an helping them in hard times. I think this is the perfect thing for him and I look forward to seeing his excitement grow as he starts training. Can't wait for the day he finally gets to fight a fire! :)

Are you ready for blessing number three? After numerous job searches, applications, interviews, and rejections I was beyond discouraged. Here I am sending out 100's of dollars a month to pay for a degree that was getting me nowhere. I felt like I had wasted four years of my life for that piece of paper. Then I get a call for an interview, and after my interview I knew that I REALLY wanted that job. The people were great, the environment was very relaxed, and I could use my degree! So I waited. A couple days later, I got a call for a second interview. After the 2nd one, I wanted the job even more. I felt so comfortable there, and they offered some great benefits. I felt so confident that I would be chosen for the position. I took a Microsoft Excel test for the company and I started it thinking that it would be as easy as any of the others I had taken. Oh I have never been so wrong! I failed it with a 35%....and every ounce of confidence I had vanished. I figured that was the end of that and began searching for jobs again.

Two weeks went by and I couldn't find anything to apply for. I also hadn't heard back from the company so I emailed them. They said they were still working on their decision and I was still being considered. A tiny glimmer of hope came back into my heart, but I was too afraid of disappointment to let it grow. So I waited....

Two weeks later money was getting a little tight. Out of no where opportunities begin to come up that allowed me to make some money from home. It was a huge help, and I was feeling God's blessings on us all week long. By Friday, I was sure God had finished His blessing for that week because He had given us so much already. Then I got a phone call, and our cup overflowed! I got the job!!! :) I called Payton partly in shock, partly, crying, and partly laughing. Finally. FINALLY, we are done with this trial. We don't have to look anymore. We're done.

Now things really begin. We can start paying more than the minimum on car and school loans. Once we pay of the car, we can finally have two vehicles so that we don't have to rely on everyone else. We can finally start paying my Grandparents a decent amount for rent. I can finally go to the Doctor when I am sick and get the medicine that I've not been able to have for a year now. We can finally start helping others who are in need, without putting ourselves in a bad situation. I feel like we are free!

I do have to address the one thing that we will NOT finally be doing, and that's having kids. YES, we want them. YES, we would like them soon. NO, we are not ready. We need to get our finances in order, and at the very minimum get a second car before that can happen. Not to mention the fact that I don't even get any paid time off til I'm at my job for a year. To start a family now would be irresponsible. Please, no comments about "You'll never be financially ready for a baby". We are fully aware of that, and that's not our goal. We just want to get some things paid off and some cushion in the bank. I honestly do not mean to sound rude, but it has been hard for us to stick with being smart about this and not having kids yet. Pressure and constant teasing about having them does not help at all. Maybe in my next blog I should share my heart about being a mother so that people truly understand how Payton and I both feel about this. This is not a decision we take lightly.

I thank God for everything that I have. A loving husband who is my best friend and willing to give his life for his country and now his community. A family that I love and can count on. A church that preaches the truth and is filled with wonderful people who care. A job for me, and a job for my husband. Our sweet cat who honestly brings so much joy,comfort and love to this house! I know everything I have came from God and I know I have been blessed!