The music starts playing like the end of a sad movie.

The other day I sat down to write a post, but I just couldn't figure out what I wanted to say. I had things I wanted to talk about, but I just couldn't get the words to form and flow. So I decided not to do it. Today I wish I had anyway because that blog was going to be a happy and encouraging one. Instead I will now have two sad ones in a row.

Yesterday morning I woke up for work and got on the computer for a few minutes. When I opened up Facebook, Payton was still signed in and before I could log him out something caught my attention. An Army buddy of his had posted a link to a Hawaii news article and the title read "Schofield Barracks Soldier Killed in Motorcycle Crash" I instantly clicked the link, hoping and praying I wouldn't see the name or picture of someone Payton knew. As I read through the artcile I learned that the name had not been released yet. I continued through my morning and before I left I warned Payton about the possibility that it could be someone he knew. I wanted him to be prepared if at all possible.

I went to work and occasionally checked online to see if anything had ben updated. The whole time I was preparing myself for how I would tell Payton if it was a friend of his. At about 4pm I came across an article that had been posted about 7 minutes before. They had released the name. I opened the article and began reading. My whole world froze for a few seconds. The name on the screen was not a friend of Paytons, but the husband of a dear, sweet friend of mine. I was shocked and caught so off guard. I just kept saying "Oh no....no it can't be....oh please no..." I had prepared myself to be there for Payton, I never dreamed I would be the one that needed comfort. A friend at work came over to me and asked what was wrong. She encouraged me to go outside and call my friend to offer my support. I did, but she didn't answer and I expected that. I wouldn't want to answer my phone either. So I went back inside, back to work, back to my normal....the whole time thinking about how my friend no longer has a "normal".

I tried to continue working, but was encouraged to go on home. The day was almost over anyway. I am thankful that I did. On my drive home I got a text from my friend saying she saw that I called, but she just couldn't answer. My heart broke again in that moment because part of me had been wishing it wasn't really her husband. Wishing that someone else had the same name, lived in the same city. Her text confirmed that wish was not coming true.

It seems like every moment since I saw that name on my computer screen I have been praying. I don't know what else to do. Hawaii is 4,000 miles away and I can not go be with my friend. A friend who was there for me while I struggled with Payton being gone on training. A friend who shopped with me, went to the beach with me, and watched movies with me. A friend who made sure that I had a good birthday when I was away from my husband and family. A friend who baked her first cake for me. :) A friend who will probably never know how much her friendship means to me. It kills me that I can't be there to help her.

So I ask you all to pray. Pray for my friend and all the pain, fear, stress, anger, anxiety, and hurt that she is feeling right now. Pray for peace, strength, comfort, and that those who are there in Hawaii with her will give her all the love and support she needs. Pray for her family and her husbands family. Pray for his fellow soldiers who are mourning this loss as well. Pray for me. Pray that I will have the right words to say. Pray that I will have the strength to continue to pray because that is all I can do. Pray that I will have peace about that being all I can do. Pray that if there is a memorial service here on the mainland I will be able to go. Just pray.

It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Psalm 30:5

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

Psalm 34:18